One's Own Devices
by A Grayer Shade of Gray
Summary: Lara Fox and her Captain, Eric Hudgins, share a moment that they both know is wrong. The adversity (Is that a word?) of their circumstances lead to strange bed fellows and the need for a descion of faith versus passion.


Lara sighed, wasted and torn. Faithfulness to a man who knew nothing of the word, who's infidelities numbered like the age of the young woman who was almost ten years his junior, or to pursue her own happiness, her own indiscretion with another man who's age nearly doubled her's. She looked at him, knowing how he felt, knowing that he knew what she wanted, what she felt. He could make all the pain, all the anguish, disappear, melt away, with little more than a soft touch of his hand to her cheek. He had done it before, made her feel safe when she thought safety was a luxury that she could not afford; Eric Hudgins was a widower who had yet to have a serious relationship since the death of his wife and Lara wasn't sure if she would be able to hold on to just sex. The indiscretions of the past left her feeling used, as if she needed to prove to herself that she was loved, and that she could be loved.

Her eyes gazed hungrily over him as the woman watched him. Eric was well aware of Lara's situation, he would not have brought her here, to his apartment, if he was not. She looked beautiful sitting there, curled around a pillow, her fingers clutching the velvet of the cover, knuckles white with the stress. She had just poured her heart out to him, confided in him with the deepest of trust with out asking for anything in return that would insure that she would be protected from being hurt. She was just so innocent, how could C.J., a man they had all trusted, seen as their leader and put so much value into, do such a thing? To a young girl as Lara, even? 

Eric sat next to the quivering young woman, his arm resting against the back of her shoulders as he pulled her away from the corner of the couch. His touch was warm, comforting, and the soft beating of his heart gave a steady rhythm for her to set her own beat. She let her head rest on his shoulder as he rocked her, trying to sooth her whimpering person. How could C.J. have done this, she thought to herself. She trusted him, she loved him, and this is what she got in return? It figured, she thought, it would be like this. Nothing turns out for her, ever.

"Shh..." Eric cooed to her, his voice soothing against her ears as he held her, rocking her slender, demure frame easily, back and forth with just the gentlest of touches. He rested his hand against her neck, guiding her to lay her head upon his shoulder, feeling something inside of him rekindle. He wanted to make her feel better, about the situation, about herself and even about C.J. Even if they did break up, she would still have to deal with him being her boss. 

She was so tiny, he thought to himself, looking down on the girl as she rested in his arms. So fragile looking. He could still remember how she looked, sweat and blood stained, upon their first meeting.

She was torn, ragged, tired; she had not slept or ate in days, her body was beginning to shut down and she was still fighting. She was a fighter, and he could tell from the minute he laid eyes on her. She had fallen asleep on him, that night in Temple City, when they had come to rescue her. He could remember that too, as could she. The apartment where they had found refuge was small, dingy, reminding Lara of her own apartment. Chris had taken the couch, Jack fell asleep on the bed and Dre took the chair, that left Lara and Eric to the floor. She could still remember the night, as could he, when she had first caught a glimmer of who the man who would soon be her captain was. Really was.

Now, all of that seemed so far away, so long ago that it didn't even appear to matter. He was holding her, his hand cupping the back of her head as she wept lightly, her heart was broken and there was no doubting the pain that the young woman felt at having her heart torn from her by one of only few people who remained in her life. 

He knew what it felt like, to be lost, to be alone; but then again so did many people on the team, why had she come to him? Her whimpers, muffled by the material of his uniform, gave him no answers. He could sympathize for the young girl as she cried, she had told him the story of her life, told bravely enough as the rest of the team, Jack, Dre and Chris, looked on, smoked and brushed her off as a rookie who had no idea which end of the gun the bullet came out of.

"We have to head out in a few hours, you should get some rest," he urged her, pulling away from her young form. Eric was reluctant to look at the young woman's tear stained face, knowing that his heart would melt and that he would give in to her, give her what ever she asked, what ever it would take to see her smile once more. She hung her head, he could tell from the corner of his eye as he too averted his eyes to his lap. 

"I know," she whispered softly, moving to stand up. She slowly headed towards the door of his apartment. She stopped for a second, then continued, her hand reaching for the cold door knob. She curled her fingers around the brass knob, her wrist twisting as the door gave way, a soft creak rising from the rusted and old hinges. 

"Lara...?" Eric started but then stopped, looking down into his lap as he felt stupid. As if suddenly having the weight lifted up off her shoulders, Lara's head perks up a little and she turns to Eric, her jade eyes imploring him to continue. 

"Yes, Eric?" she asked, her voice so soft, so fragile. 

What was he doing? he thought to himself, shaking his head and continuing on. "If you want, since we both have to go to the station, you can crash here. You can take the bed and I'll sleep on the couch..." he blurted out, rather like a school boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He kept his eyes away from her, if he had just said something that she deemed wrong he did not want to see the look of distaste in her eyes, he already knew what it would look like; her eyes were like his wife's; jade in colour, soft and compassionate but liable to turn hard as stone with in seconds time.

"I ... I should probably get home..." she looks down. Truth was she wanted to stay, but still she was faithful to C.J. She would not tempt herself with something she wanted so badly at a time like this when she knew she couldn't give in to the urges that she had been feeling towards the widowed man since their meeting almost a year ago. 

She slowly made her exit, leaving Eric alone, to his thoughts and devices.


End file.
